Via 6-4-2, this Peanuts parody is just brilliant.

And I think about how my sister's sweet on you and I know she's too good for you just like the red haired girl is too good for me...

Maybe the author, Frank Miller, will do a complete graphic novel at some point.

It's A Game of Centimeters in Toronto.

What do Nick Punto and David Pinto have in common? Both are named after cars that explode!

A-Rod's obituary:

While there is no evidence to suggest foul play, some in the baseball community have speculated that A-Rod actually succumbed to self-inflicted injuries. Immediately after the tragedy was announced, former baseball player and fellow 40/40 club member Jose Canseco told reporters that he saw A-Rod's demise coming a mile away.

"There is no doubt in my mind that he did this to himself," Canseco said. "All the warning signs were there: the surprising power from a shortstop, the spike in home runs, the mood swings where he acted like a complete idiot. The guy has been knocking on death's door since 2003, and everyone wanted to pretend like it wasn't true. I'm not going to get into it too much here because the rest will be in my book coming out next month."

Added Canseco: "Trust me, Albert Pujols will be dead inside a year."

Let's hope not.

A tape of Alex Rodriguez before steroids:

Zog's Point reveals what Joe Torre left on the cutting room floor.

Torre almost ruined David Cone's perfect game in 1998 by trying to bring in Tanyon Sturtze, before realizing Sturtze was on the White Sox.

There's plenty more.

The headline made me laugh but this paragraph slayed me:

"It's not Ben's Spanish-speaking ability that interests me," Minaya said. "I'm interested in Ben for other reasons. I mean, look. Here's a pitcher who is not getting any younger, who deals with severe arm injuries on an almost annual basis, who has never fully reached his potential for an extended period of time and could likely end up being a high-priced bust signing. Those elements are all more interesting to me than his Spanish."

CC Sabathia's contract also gives the Yankees a cheaper option for demolishing Yankee Stadium.

Sabathia really is an iron man!

A "bored" Milwaukee Brewers team had ace pitcher CC Sabathia throw a 180-pitch side session Tuesday to help pass some time, a day before the team takes on the Philadelphia Phillies in the National League Division Series.

...

"After about 100 pitches, they asked me to throw 40 curveballs in a row," Sabathia said. "So that was sort of tiring and a bit painful. Then, on the last 20 pitches, they made me wear a weighted vest. It's really hard to pitch with an extra 80 pounds on your body after you've already thrown 160 pitches. But I sort of bowed my neck and got through it."

He should be sufficiently warmed up for game 2.

I just discovered Harvard Hooligans. Here's a collection of their best videos. I especially liked the Harvard Homework Helper Hotline. That didn't exist when we were undergraduates.

Here's something else to curse the Cubs.

Deadspin has the new Shawn Chacon baseball card.

Jeff Carroll sends this link to Jon Stewart on Willie Randolph's firing. I liked Stewart's line about what a 3 AM call usually represents.

For a good laugh, check out The Cubs Brickyard.

An interview with Bob Costas and Buzz Bissinger, with apologies to Monty Python.

Jack Perconte sends along these essential hitting tips for youngesters by age:

Player Age
5 Remember, set the bat down after you hit and before you run to first - don't let it fly.
6 No, that's third base - 1st is that way.
7 Foul ball - yes, it's a strike but no you are not out.
8 Ouch, good contact - but don't swing until my hand is totally away from the batting tee.
9 Anyone have any ice? - keeping your eye on the ball doesn't mean that - you can get out of the way.
10 Repeat after me - there's no crying in ....
11 Craig Counsell is a big leaguer - when you get there you can hit that way but for now do it the way I tell you.
12 It's not funny when you hit me with a line drive.
13 That's a curve ball, son.
14 Even though you think your coach sucks, do what he tells you.
15 The balls don't pick themselves up (after batting practice).
16 You are hitting .230, he didn't hit you on purpose.
17 Only big leaguers don't run each ground ball out, the rules state that high school players have to.

Grandmothers for Miguel Tejada.

Another Olympic boycott has athletes on pins and needles. :-)

Update: Fixed link.

Improv Everywhere turns a little league game into a major league experience. The Goodyear blimp was a nice touch.

Yard Work gets Barack Obama to endorse the Pittsburgh Pirates:

In conclusion, I'm reminded of a recent conversation I had last week with a woman named Grace Kovac. Grace is a single mother in Johnstown, widowed when her husband John fell into an unsafe vat of boiling metal at one of this region's fine steelworking shops. Things have been tough since then for Grace and her three children, Willie, Tyler, and Lester; she works three jobs during the week to try to feed her growing boys, but it still isn't enough. Though the union members pitched in, the family still cannot cover their bills, and their health insurance has run out. She caught her foot in a swimming pool drain last month, and our antiquated court system cannot even guarantee that it will pay for the iron foot she now needs. When I meet with people like Grace, I usually end up having to reassure them that I can make everything all better through some kind of political legerdemain and my considerable personal charm. But Grace just looked me in the eye and said, "Hey, enough of my yappin'. How 'bout that little cutie Nate McLouth? He's got more wheels than a Cincinnati chop shop!"

Tell me that isn't audacity. Tell me that isn't hope.

He's cementing the underdog vote with that speech. :-)

Ryan Lehr sends a link to these videos, Hardball Made Easy. I really loved Taking One for the Team.

Here's a list of songs you don't want to hear with the game on the line.

Someone else remembers Brink and Belzer. The show was mostly Brink, with Richard Belzer doing little comedy bits, not often enough. At some point, Richard stopped showing up regularly for the show, and you could tell Brink was pissed off at this. One day, he dedicated a song to Richard and played "Nowhere Man." I believe the show was off the air the next day.

Two of my colleagues just got back from a technology meeting, and one of the database vendors passed out these. I'm not sure this is the use they intended, but now you can approach fantasy baseball in a whole new way! If this gets really big, maybe The Roches can sing the National Anthem at the All-Star Game.

The Baseball Musings pledge drive continues through March. Please consider making a donation.

Great video at Yankees Chick.

The Baseball Musings pledge drive continues through March. Please consider making a donation.

Phil Hughes guests blogs at Yark Work. :-)

Update: Meanwhile, the real Phil Hughes answers questions readers of his blog and The LoHud Yankees blog sumitted.

Todd: Is there a nickname you like to see for you, Ian and Joba? Is there any you've heard that you liked?

Phil Hughes: As far as the three of us combined or individually? It seems when groups of people get nicknames it always doesn't turn out well. Maybe if we could try to keep that out of the equation.

An excellent observation.

Jay Bruce and Joey Votto issue an ultimatum. :-) Here's why:

Yesterday, Jay was taking some simulated at-bats off Gary Majewski and drew a walk. Dusty spit out his toothpick, stormed over and told Jay that "Walking is for dogs, not baseball players." Then he made Jay sit out in left field with a dog collar around his neck and told him that Hank Aaron never took a walk.

We checked, and Hank Aaron walked 1,402 times in his career. But Dusty said numbers are like trout: everyone has a few lying around somewhere, and it doesn't mean you're special. We don't know what that means.

It looks like the naming rights to Wrigley Field went to Barack Obama. :-)

Critics of the plan contend that Obama is a fan of the crosstown White Sox.

But Obama supporters point out that the desire to name the field after the Illinois senator illustrates his desire to "change the status quo" by reaching across the aisle for the good of the country and form alliances with rivals, be they political or sports-based.

Hillary is from the northside. Too bad she's a Yankees fan.

While the Mets are trying to decide who owns the red Escalade, Jim Bowden goes around on a red, pimped out vehicle of his own.

That pretty much sums up the two franchises.

Yard Work takes down Murray Chass.

This from today's Sport Shorts:

The Red Sox, with Curt Schilling likely lost for the season, have secretly worked out a number of unsigned free-agent pitchers, including Debbie Clemens, who, according to sources, consistently topped 90 mph on the radar gun.

:-)

It seems like the entire Phillies management, players and media were in on convincing Kyle Kendrick he was traded to Japan. Even Kyle's agent was in on the dececption.

Via Baseball Think Factory, one of the funniest blog post I've ever read.

Video at the link.

The SOM league I play in had a draft today, and someone drafted Woodie Held. I thought Woodie and Fukudome would make a good outfield combination, and I wondered if I could come up with a third. How about Dick Cox?

Update: The Cubs signed Fukudome:

The Cubs, landing their biggest off-season target, have signed Japanese free-agent outfielder Kosuke Fukudome to a four-year contract, major-league sources confirmed to FOXSports.com.

The deal, first reported by WGN Radio in Chicago, is expected to be for approximately $12 million per season, sources said.

More in the morning.

A non-existent source supplies Baseball Musings with stunning information from the soon to be released Mitchell report:

Since the mid 1990s, 50% of ballplayers used a drug with the street slang "placebo" to enhance their performance. Although it's not clear where the abuse started, some point to a former Cleveland Indians player as the focal point. The player revealed to friends that a trainer told him, "A placebo every day and three weight sessions a week at the gym and I'd be in great shape. So far, it's made me a multi-millionaire! And the nice thing is, I don't have to stick myself with needles. I just take a pill out of this Pez dispenser!"

There is no test for placebo, although Major League Baseball will spend the $34 million allotted to the Marlins for revenue sharing trying to develop one.

I'm concerned about the children.

Given the number of ex-Reds the Nationals sign, Trent Rosecrans suggests a new cap design.

The Tampa Bay Rays switched sports. From now on, they're a minor league hockey team. I hope they're better at stopping pucks than they are balls in play.

SSNN exposes more incentives in Curt Schilling's contract:

Curt Schilling's incentive laden contract includes a two million dollar bonus if the burly pitcher will shut down his blog in time for the 2008 season, and an additional $5 million if the outspoken pitcher is willing to have his voicebox and vocal tubes surgically removed.

"We don't think Schill is going to actually have his voicebox removed, unfortunately," said Terry Francona. "So that's a bummer. But the two mill to stop the blog, that should be a no-brainer."

I wonder if someone would give me $2 million not to blog? :-)

Creed from The Office muses on baseball at Creed Thoughts.

They were doing the Tomahawk Chop at the Cubs game today, and in the strangest places:

41,364 fans stood as one and did the Braves' Tomahawk Chop not once, not twice, but three times, as the Braves took the lead over the Brewers with a four-run seventh, then extended it with two in the eighth, and finally, when the 7-4 Atlanta win over Milwaukee was posted on the scoreboard.

I can also report to you, since I took a break to the men's room while Kerry Wood took his extended warmup after Carlos Zambrano left with "cramps" (don't worry, he'll be fine!), that the Chop was being done in the men's room down the LF line.

When I got back I told our group this, and Mike cracked us all up when he said, "With what?"

I'd prefer not to use my imagination on that one. :-)

This one is pretty funny. I especially like this post:

But still, score one for Bonds. BARRY Bonds.

I love that joke.

If you haven't seen the future, watch here.

That doesn't mean they can't be stopped.*

*

Twayn at Batgirl explains how Richard Dreyfuss talked the Twins into a victory last night. Unfortunately, Twayn uses one of the worst movies ever made to make the point.

Big Jim needs to get his facts straight:

IT'S A FACT: The New York Yankees have retired every one of their numbers in the classic Fibonacci sequence up to 55. Get ready for immortality, Hideki Matsui!

Sorry, Jeter wears number 2, A-Rod 13, no one currently wears 21 (maybe they'll retire it for Paul O'Neill), and Sean Henn owns 34. Jim obviously confused the Yankees with the Red Sox, who only retire perfect squares or cubes!

Think about sending a few dollars to The Rey of Hope Foundation.

Futon Report explains why ninja training might not be the best thing for a pitcher.

Baby Dash gives Ron Gardenhire a piece of his mind:

My mom says that your preference for veterans has been noted in the blogosphere. And I understand. Veterans are great. My parents, for instance, are not veterans and they have no idea what the #@$@#$@ they're doing. At the same time, rookies are not necessarily total #@$#@-ups. I'm a rookie, and I can pitch better than Ponson.

Out of the mouth of babes...

Dr. Robert Adair criticizes the sabermetric community for not using enough physics.

Others wish to compare fielding across different eras by adjusting Fielding Runs Above Replacement for All-Time. How can such a calculation be valid without rigorous measurements of the coefficients of static and kinetic friction of both grass and turf, extrapolated over several decades of baseball groundskeeping?

I'll be sure to incorporate that into the Probabilistic Model of Range next year. :-)

Given that Pirates of Penzance is my favorite Gilbert and Sullivan operetta, this may be my favorite post of all time.

(When I was driving from Worcester, MA to Bristol, CT early in my ESPN tenure, a recording of the Kevin Kline version of the stage play fit perfectly into the commute, so at one time I had the whole show memorized.)

I had forgotten that people were concerned about steroids in the 1970s. :-)

Best Jeter-ARod photo captions ever. Here's an example.

Alex and Derek were once so close they autographed each other's balls.

You'll have to see the others for yourself.

Any column that mentions My Mother the Car is worth a link.

One of my useless skills is remembering the lyrics to long forgotten theme songs. My Mother the Car is one of those. I was five when the show aired, which is probably why I loved it:

Audience demographics was an emerging science in the mid-1960s. My Mother the Car was a huge hit with younger viewers, but no one at the time knew just how to exploit the youth market with anything other than cartoon series.

Given what we know about Manny and his mom, I don't think she's been reincarnated yet. :-)

The Score Bard sums up Keith Foulke's career in five lines.

I've met three of the four people in this video at DeadSpin. Jim Thome and his wife were in the Baseball Tonight green room when we did a week from Florida in 1997. And Dr. Oz is also Harvard 1982 and we took the same freshman chemistry class. So I guess I know Oprah now!

Larry Bowa takes Mike Schmidt to town over his comments on making contact at Yard Work. :-)

Lookout Landing offers a guide for Seattle fans young and old on how to trash talk the other AL teams. For example, when the Twins come to town:

For Novices: Kirby Puckett doesn't belong in the Hall of Fame, inability to win in the playoffs despite Santana

For Veterans: Torii Hunter's overratedness, Felix stayed healthy while Liriano didn't, Carl Pohlad is a giant douche, Puckett's personal life

The Cub Reporter takes the case of the theft of Bob Brenly's Emmy:

This demands a serious investigation.

First of all, how did Bob Brenly win an Emmy?

Gil Grissom would be proud.

Mark just isn't the giving kind.

By the way, we use Silpat in our house and they work great.

Futon Report fixes the Detroit Tigers team calendar.

At Timothy McSweeney's, contract clauses you probably didn't hear about:

If the Big Hurt loses 74 percent or more of his knee cartilage while playing on Toronto's harsh FieldTurf, he will be awarded two brand-new bionic knees, allowing him to fulfill his destiny by competing in the 2008 Summer Olympics and bringing the triple-jump gold medal back home to America, where it belongs.

Yesterday, Ben Kabak noticed Royce Clayton's career OBA was a palindrome. That's enough of an excuse to link to this video.

The last line is my favorite, simply because I make a pretty mean lasagna.

Mr. Irrelevant posts a funny picture from a baseball wall calendar.