In what some people call the most unlikely turn of events since Bobby Ewing's return to Dallas, George Steinbrenner apologized today for running the Yankees as an evil empire. As a way of doing penance, Steinbrenner has traded rosters with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

"I didn't know what else I could do," Steinbrenner explained. "We've been on a ten year roll, and Tampa's never won more than 63 games. Besides, I thought I owed Lou one after firing him two or three times. And with all the time I spend in Tampa, I'll still get to see a championship team. Besides, maybe now the fans will get off my back for letting Tino go."

"It's only fair," the Boss remarked. "The value of the franchise has grown about a billion dollars since I purchased it. I want to share the wealth. And I'm sick of the three and a half hour games the old Yankees played. With everyone swinging at the first pitch, I'll be home in time to watch Joan of Arcadia!"

Larry Lucchino was not impressed.

"Why did he have to trade them to Tampa?" Larry whined. "We couldn't beat this team in NY, and we're not going to be able to beat them in Tampa. Why couldn't he send them to Pittsburgh or Milwaukee? Now we'll never win the World Series. He's still evil. I want my mommy!"

Derek Jeter looks forward to playing in the relative obscurity of Tampa Bay.

"It's cool. I'm tired of staying out late and partying at night clubs anyway. I can use the extra time to work on my defense."

In a related story, the Dodgers are trying to work a deal to swap teams with the Angels.