March 19, 2017

RIP Chuck Berry

It took me a little while to find this 40 year old transcript, but I think it’s the best Chuck Berry tribute ever:

Maxine Universe: Well, uh, Cocuwa — you predicted every Time Magazine cover for the last two years. Um, what’s going to be on the Time Magazine cover this week — uh, next week — the Pope’s cloning, the nuclear dump disappearance, or the Boone-napping?

Cocuwa: NONE of the above, Maxine! You know that my adopted name — Cocuwa — means “To help without compensation” in Hawaiian. And I have NOTHING to gain in ANY way from the personal wealth of my great gift. I believe… next week’s Time cover… will be about the recent communication from outer space.

Kreeg Antwoord: Uh — uh — uh, Cocuwa — I agree with you that it would be the biggest story if the message was of any importance. But we all know how trivial it is.

Maxine Universe: Well, what — you mean a foreign planet will actually send a message next week?

Cocuwa: No! A foreign planet actually SENT us a message last week. Next week, the government will reveal the message to the public.

Kreeg Antwoord: [ coughing ] You see, it all started on August 20th, 1977, when NASA put up a recording of the sounds of Earth on Voyager I. A two-hour long tape included, uh, natural sounds of animals, a French poem by Gaugliere, a passage from the Koran in Arabic, messages from President Carter, United Nations Secretary Kurt Waldheim, music — everything from classical to Chuck Berry.

Maxine Universe: Uh — and you’re saying that the, uh — another civilization has found the tape?

Cocuwa: Yes. They’ve sent us a message that actually proves it. It may be just four simple words, but it is the FIRST positive proof that other intelligent beings inhabit the universe.

Maxine Universe: Uh — what are the four words, Cocuwa?

Cocuwa: The four words that came to us from outer space — the FOUR words that will appear on the cover of Time Magazine next week — are: [ he holds up the magazine” “Send More Chuck Berry”.

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