April 01, 2004
Homeless
Silas Barnaby foreclosed on the Olympic Stadium mortgage today, leaving the Expos without a Stadium to call their own. The players can be seen during the day huddling on street corners with tin cups, begging for money to build a new ballpark, or at least bus fare to get out of Canada. Forced to play their home games in empty lots and dead end streets, Le Expos face the additional indignity of using cardboard boxes for their lockers.
"The situation is desperate," Hall of Famer Frank Robinson opined. "Last week a ball got by Carl Everett and rolled into the sewer. We couldn't afford to lose the ball, so Carl had to climb down there to get it. We'd call him Stinky, but we all smell pretty bad right now."
When reached for comment, commissioner Rose said, "I used to play in Montreal. They talk funny up there. What was the question?"